Health. Well-being. Personal development

Mindfulness over perfection: Getting real on mental health with Wondermind

 

Wondermind is a site full of resources, interviews and articles that can be filtered by feeling, founded by artist Selena Gomez and her mother, Mandy Teefey.

This panel “Mindfulness over perfection” that is available to watch on Youtube had also the NFL athlete Soloman Thomas and Dr. Corey Yeager, marriage and family therapist. It was moderated by Jessica Stern, psychologist and advisor at Wondermind.

Some ideas that I found useful are the following:

Be aware of the language we use to talk to ourselves. Avoid being punitive and don’t say things you wouldn’t say to a friend. Give yourself grace. (Dr. Corey Yeager).

Soloman Thomas said it’s important to talk openly about suicide, to which he lost his sister, Ella. He thinks instead of saying “committed suicide” the saying should be replaced by “died by suicide” like any other disease. He wants to challenge the notion that a man that talks about his feelings is weak or crazy.

Mandy Teefey talked about the importance of journaling as a self-care practice and a way of finding answers about what you are going through

Selena Gomez said this project comes out of her personal struggles and wanting to help other people. She also talks about the benefits of therapy and especially Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT), which is designed for people who feels emotions very intensely and aims to regulate them.

Depression is defined by Dr. Corey Yeager as rumination about the past, anxiety as excess of future and the present as being here and now, the only way to truly live.

Wondermind is described like an ecosystem, an ecotone full of variety, soon to be an app, and that is open for everyone who needs any kind of help in mental health and that can be visited in: https://www.wondermind.com/.

 

Paula Gouveia

 

Beloved Jennifer Lopez

 

Jennifer Lopez has defied boxes in her long career. From dreaming of being an entertainer in her Bronx neighborhood to becoming a professional dancer (a Fly girl, having to move from New York to Los Angeles). She started securing soap opera roles, transitioned to movies and polished her craft as an actress. When people told her to stay in her lane she decided to become a singer too.

From “Selena” (1997) to “Out of sight” (1998), Jennifer became the highest paid Latina actress and the first woman to have one movie (“The wedding planner”) and album (“J.Lo”) number one at the same time.

But this is not about Jennifer Lopez’s career highlights, it’s more about her character and her heart.

“This is me… now: A love story” (2024) opens with the ancient Puerto Rican legend of Alida and Taroo, two lovers from feuding tribes. As the drama unfolds, Alida is changed into a beautiful red flower and Taroo into a hummingbird.

We then see a motorcycle going too fast and crashing, an abusive relationship and a feeling of having a broken heart no matter how hard one tries to put it back together.

From just wanting to be in love as an adult, the conclusion of this piece is that reality requires self-love, connecting with our inner child, self-examination, therapy and a long hard look at our decisions. You can still go on believing in love and the surprises that life throws your way.

The accompanying documentary “The greatest love story never told” shows the blood, sweat and tears that went into making the film possible. We see Jennifer in casual clothing, investing 20 million dollars out of her own pocket to finance the project, handling stress to make sure everything is right and fulfilling her artistic vision. It was something Jennifer just had to express.

Now that she has filed for divorce from Ben Affleck it’s easy to attack her relationships or her latest endeavors altogether. But Jennifer Lopez follows her instincts and is a hard worker, I’m sure she will continue to believe that love will one day grace her way. There’s nothing to be ashamed about for trying twice with the same person. At least now she knows she can move on with her life being aware of all she is capable of.

 

Paula Gouveia

 

Beloved Cameron Russell

 

Like many people on this planet, when I was going through girlhood, I wanted to be a model. Tall and lean. In one occasion I drank so much milk I ended up throwing up. I was appalled in the next years when other people would made comments on my body (that I was rounder and that my body was deceitful when I was buying a pair of pants).

I always looked up at models for inspiration from Gisele Bundchen to Cindy Crawford. So when I heard the viral talk “Looks aren’t everything. Believe me, I’m a model” I was blown away with the candor with which Cameron Russell talked about a profession that didn’t always made her happy.  I never thought of models as insecure beings and hearing so was a revelation because indeed having to worry about your appearance and body all the time can be an exhausting task.

Fast forward when Cameron created Interrupt mag, a very plural magazine designed to help change the status quo, I wrote a small article about loving my wrists (which could apply to my arms in general) because in my many weight fluctuations they tend to stay basically the same. I was so excited to receive my magazine in the mail with amazing stickers and a t-shirt. I felt like I belonged someplace.

Seeing her organizing work in Model Mafia and the Instagram campaign # My job should not include abuse made me in awe of her pursuit of a world with more justice.

I read voraciously her memoir “How to be agreeable herself to everyone” and the first few pages were like a punch in the stomach. I fell for that 16-year-old who only wanted to please and move forward with her career in a world of adults that told her she was utterly replaceable. It was like I was inside the mind of that model with a unisex name that turns into a very smart woman caught up in the nuances of the fashion industry. The one that knows that is paid very well at face value, that the garment workers do their job for a miserable wage and that, by her moral compass, is just not right.

Cameron, who tells everyone she wants to be one day President of the United States, hints sometimes at dissociation, which is a state when we are not fully present and suppress feelings and emotions. It’s like body, mind and spirit are not in sync.

Cameron talks from the get-go about her need to feel tough which applies in the fashion world where it’s valued “a girl that would do anything” and not any demonstrations of being upset which can be quickly labeled as weakness.

Being a part of something both aspirational and detrimental to mental health, Cameron Russell emphasized in her Ted Talk she just won a genetic lottery and that is not a career path, that more admirable would be a ninja cardio thoracic surgeon poet.

Nowadays along with being a mother, model and climate change activist, I think Cameron is aware of her voice and her power (her Ted Talk is one of the most viewed of all time) and she was recently on Moma on the panel “Grace under pressure”.

In the last chapter of her book, she talks about the family tradition of making quilts: out of something old we can always reshape, transform and create something new. Maybe we are all fragments of our past that conduct into our present for us to make sense. Writing is a way of making sense and sharing our stories. Acknowledging and owning it.

Cameron, thanks lovely lady!

 

Paula Gouveia

Beloved David Archuleta

 

On 4th July 2019 I had the honor of publishing an interview with David Archuleta in my digital magazine (you can read it here: https://humanamente.pt/en/interview-david-archuleta/). I felt incredibly lucky to have this opportunity, as a small Portuguese outlet (which is still small by the way), it doesn’t happen very often.

In the interview, David wrote to me about dealing with fame following his participation as runner up in American Idol, mental health, and his two years as a volunteer in Chile. I realized immediately his intense devotion to God being raised within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Born and raised Roman Catholic, I had my experiences with religion as well and to this day I always believed God exists. The problem with churches, of any kind, is the set of rules and the paradigms of good boys and good girls that can be incredibly oppressive (more on that later).

I could hear in some songs that David seemed a bit on a war with his mind like “Paralyzed”, “Numb” or most notably “You worry” and “Just breathe” from his album Therapy sessions.

Following the immense privilege of interviewing him I kept following his career. I was really glad when David came out. It felt like he released a huge burden of his shoulders and is setting himself free from many expectations placed on him. On a recent video interview I saw his eyes shine, his smile wider than ever before. He is dancing, he is releasing honest heartfelt songs: it’s a pure joy to watch as a fan this evolution.

I’m sure it took a lot of courage for David to make this decision, one that certainly implies some form of grief of our former self and thought models that no longer benefits us.

I think people should be able to love whoever they want to love, no question about it. I’m glad to see Catholic Church being more open and acceptant towards it, especially Pope Francis. But let’s not forget that until 1973, homosexuality was considered a mental illness, and it was only in that year that the American Psychiatric Association (APA) removed that diagnosis from the second edition of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). Let’s not forget there’s still conversion therapy going on in certain parts of the world, namely the United States of America, which must be a mental torture for the person involved. Let’s not forget the pain and traumas that come with repressing your sexual expression in a world that is a judgmental as ever.

I remember when Italian singer Tiziano Ferro came out, at 33 years old, after suffering terribly of guilt because of his catholic beliefs. I remember more recently when Spanish singer Pablo Alborán revealed he was homosexual and that there was no problem, everything was okay. Lastly there was Swedish singer Darin (also a runner up in American Idol from Sweden) said he was proud to be gay.

I feel the outpouring of love and creative expression from my favorite lgbtqiap+ artists: so unique, so special and with so much to share with the whole world.

After the storm and the existential crisis, one can always find the faith, resilience and spiritual fortitude to be who he/she/they really are.

David, I wish you all the best, embrace the positivity around you, know that you are touching lives of people that care and love you truly. Keep going strong!

 

Paula Gouveia

 

 

Beloved Britney Spears

 

I became a fan of Britney Spears when I was 12 years old and saw the music video of “Baby one more time” on my tv. So many of you can relate, right? I bought the album soon after and played it often. Britney was my company, a friend that brightened my days and make life better with her music. I listened to her before my math tests which caused me a lot of nerves (I always had to make a lot of effort to have positive grades), I danced, I dreamed and learned english at the same time.

“Baby one more time” was like the perfect adolescence for me. It was not very relatable because I was going through a lot of pain (bullying, rejection, the death of my grandparents) but Britney was supremely magnetic, her wide smile and talent granting her a global acceptance.

As she tried to advance her career, the press started to dig into her privacy and everything from her body to her personal relationships seemed to be fair game. It was like she was just a product, a commodity, not a human being.

When I was 19 years old I have my first nervous breakdown (which had many causes and I won’t try to explain as this is about Britney, not me). When I started feeling better I asked my older sister why nobody in the world seemed to be helping Britney Spears, to which my sister replied “Britney is so rich. I’m sure she is being helped”. I felt like having bright flashes from cameras everyday on her face must had been a nightmare, along with everything else that unraveled.

I always felt connected to Britney and prayed for her well being. It made me sad to see her work so hard and not being able to have control of the money she made. She was explored to the bone. I experienced the other side of the equation, being treated well most of the times but having difficulty in earning money.

At the end of 2021 I was hospitalized in a psychiatric yard for my bipolar disorder and anxiety. When I’m discharged on 12th November, I learned that the conservatorship that Britney had endured for so long was over. I was so glad.

About Britney’s use of Instagram I think most of the times she is just having fun and using her independence. Sure she can dance better than just doing circles but maybe she is just gaining confidence again in her own body (she had her knee injuries and I read reports of damages on her nerves). She has been processing a lot emotionally since her freedom, such as her miscarriage, and seeing other people try again and again to profit on her story must be infuriating. She says she feels liberated when she posts revealing pictures and her content is not curated to make her look like her past self. This is Britney now. I remember an interview for an Israeli outlet where Britney said if she had a hair strand out of place she would experience overwhelming anxiety. So yeah, I enjoy seeing Britney act carefree, almost childlike because at least she seems joyful.

As a fan what I would like for Britney? That apart from a cd, book or other business ventures, she continued where she left in The letters of truth, to show her soul bravery to the world. She mentioned writing a ghost story, she has the creativity and imagination for that. I hope she continues healing in any way possible by prayer, art, loving relationships and so much more. All emotions are valid as long as you express them properly. She is beautiful and has an extremely sensitive heart (let’s not forget how Britney composed “Everytime” on piano, for instances). She deserves to be treated better. We’ve been failing her for more than 14 years!

Bottom line is: Britney was there for us when we needed her the most.

No one in the world has been more criticized, judged, punished for the state of her mental health than Britney Spears. Let that sink in, truly. And please, the next time you see her face show more empathy. Not pity because she doesn’t need it, but try to understand everything she has been through and how she came back stronger, just reclaiming now a sense of normalcy and showing the real fighter that she is. Long live Britney!

The velvet rope

 

That we live in a world full of dichotomies, it’s not a surprise for anyone. Whist some of us live very luxurious lives, the majority struggles to get a roof under their hands, pay the bills, bring food to the table and so on. Oftentimes we fall into narratives like work harder to earn harder and never mind the rest. Quality of life takes the backseat, and we will pay the cost in terms of heath sooner or later.

It’s not easy to navigate so many stimuli, so much information, so many images of cruelty and violence that pop in our screens daily. What can we do to avoid falling in the same pitfalls of previous generations, how can we make the world a better place, a place where we can thrive and feel fully alive?Read more

“How we manage anxiety” with Becky G, Normani, Christina Milian and Rhonda Richards-Smith

 

We all go through problems, obstacles and challenges that may cause us some degree of anxiety. In a Facebook Audio Room event from last month, three artists and a psychotherapist meet to discuss mental health and the pressures of life, of living in this world.

Becky G, an american singer and actress of mexican descent, starts by saying how when she slows down from work and is triggered “things catch up to me that I thought I overcame”.Read more

The gift of empathy

 

We often say we would like to help other people, make a difference and change the world. We set these ambitious goals for ourselves and our work. It’s a common saying that we live troubling, challenging and complicated times. But I’ve been asking myself how much of my daily life is really difficult and what is the percentage that I’ve been making complicated myself.

What is it absolutely necessary and non-negotiable to start changing the world, I ask? I think the answer is, without a doubt, empathy. There is no way we can be aware of other’s people reality and suffering, if we don’t, in someway, understand in our hearts what they are going through, if put it more plainly, if we don’t walk in their shoes. Read more

For anyone being bullied

 

“When they go low, we go high” famously said former First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama about the attacks she and Barack Obama were facing at the time. The phrase stuck because it not only embodies resistance to pain and frustration but also a hope in bettering what we are individually and as a community.

Bullying was always a problem in society, even when the term wasn’t coined yet and with the social networks it seems to escalate in ways no one has seen coming. We feel unsafe in the virtual world, in the same form or even more so, than we would in a dangerous street. Critical voices can cut like a sharp knife, criticizing our weight, haircut, our words, everything. The effects of bullying are being studied and it’s very difficult to unpack the discourses of discrimination and hurtful insults.Read more

How to overcome roadblocks in life

 

This year has been quite challenging for our mental health and well being and the problems, delays and canceled plans only seemed to add up. It’s easy to get frustrated and sad when things don’t go exactly our way and 2020 had a lot of these moments. How can we remain hopeful in the middle of a global pandemic, so much brutality and shattered dreams? It looks like an impossible task at first. But, as in everything in life, everything is impossible until you make it happen. So although we all have bad days good things happen when we decide to remain positive despite diring circumstances and make an effort to look at the silver lining of our days.

When we are facing roadblocks, obstacles that make us stop in our tracks and wonder when we’ll be able to continue to go our own way, there are a few helpful things that we can keep in mind to make the most of even an unfortunate situation.Read more